The Adams in the Hat

 

The tolls were too high.

We were too broke to pay.

So we sat in the outer boro

all that cold, cold, wet day.

I sat there with Sally.

We sat there paying taxes, we two.

And I said, "how I wish

we had money to pay tolls too!"

Too many traffic cameras to go out

And too low a speed limit to enthrall.

So we sat in the outer boro

we did nothing at all.

So all we could do was to

pay taxes!

Pay tolls!

Pay fines!

Pay the City Council trolls!

And we did not like it.

Not one little bit.

And then something went BUMP!

How that bump made us jump!

We looked!

Then we saw him step into City Hall!

We looked!

And we saw him!

The Adams in the hat!

And he said to us,

'Why do you sit there like that?'

'I know you have a job

and in your pocket some money.

but we can have

a garbage bin plan that is funny!'

'I know some good taxes we could pay,'

said the Adams.

'I know some new tolls,'

said the Adams in the hat.

'A lot of new fines.

I will penalize you

your pocket will not mind at all if I do.'

Then Sally and I

did not know what to say.

Sanity in city government was out

for the day,

But our fish said, 'No! No!

Make the Adams go away!

Tell the Adams in the hat

you do NOT want to pay.

He should not tax you.

He should not be about.

He should not be allowed

to say when you can put the trash out!'

'Now! Now! Have no fear.

Have no fear!' said the Adams

'My tolls are not bad,'

said the Adams in the hat.

'Why, we can have

lots of good fines, if you wish

with a game that I call

up-up-up with the Turkish!'

'No bribes!' said the fish.

'This is no fun at all!

No bribes!' said the fish.

'I do NOT wish to fly Turkish Airlines at all!'

'Have no fear!' said the Adams.

'I will not rip you off the wall.

I will only penalize you up high

as I tax you in the fall.

With a speed camera in one hand!

And a congestion toll on my hat!

But that is not ALL I can do!

said the Adams ...

'Look at me!

Look at me now!' said the Adams.

'With an official Otto trash can

on the top of my hat!

I can write TWO tickets

I can fine you for an open lid!

Or a little loose trash bag!

Or not composting in the little brown bin!

And look!

I can hop up and down at Mar a Lago!

But that is not all!

oh, no,

That is not all ...

'Look at me!

Look at me!

Look at me NOW!

It is fun to charge fines

but you have to know how.

I can pocket the bribes

and the airline tickets and hotel stay too!

I can hold up this graft!

All your money I will take!

I can fine your old trash can

and the loose trash bag!

And look! with my congestion pricing

I can charge you a toll!

I can add a surcharge to the fine

as I raise your property tax on a roll!

But that is not all.

Oh, no.

That is not all ...'

That is what the Adams said ...

then he fell on his bald head!

He came down with a bump

from up there in Turkiye

and Sally and I,

we saw the INDICTMENT fall!

And our fish came down, too.

He fell into legalized pot!

He said, 'Do I like this?

Oh, no! I do not.

This is not a good game,'

said our fish as he paid

no, I do not like tolls,

not one little bit!'

'Now look what you did!'

said the fish to Adams.

'Now look at this city!

Look at this! Look at that!

You fined us for our trash bag,

made us recycle old cake.

You taxed up our house

and you went on the take.

You SHOULD NOT be here

when our city's sanity is out.

you get out of this city!'

said the fish smoking legalized pot.

'But I like to be corrupt.

Oh, I like it a lot!'

said the Adams in the hat

to the fish hitting the pot.

'I will NOT go away.

I do NOT wish to go!

And so,' said the Adams in the hat.

'so

so

so ...

I will show you

another revenue stream that I know!'

And then he ran out.

And, then, with a corrupt grin,

the Adams in the hat

came back in with Otto's trash bin.

A big black plastic bin.

It was shut with a latch.

'Now look at this trick,'

said the Adams.

'Take a look at this new scam!'

Then he got up on a sanitation truck

with a tip of the trash bin.

'I call this game weigh-the-trash-bin,'

said the Adams.

'In your bin are two things

to charge you for now.

You will like these two things,'

said the Adams with a bow.

'I will open the latch.

You will see something new.

Two things to defraud you

Thing One and Thing Two.

These Things will not bite you.

They want to just rip you off.'

Then, out of the bin

came an RFID and a trash bill!

And they ran up so fast.

They said, 'How can we charge you?

Would you like to pay for the bin

and for your trash pickup by weight too?'

And Sally and I

did not know what to do.

So we had to pay

for both Thing one and Thing Two.

We paid for the bin as well the trash.

But our fish said, 'No! No!

This Things should not be

in this City! Make them go!

They should not be here

when the City's sanity is gone!

Put them out! Put them out!

said the fish high on legalized pot.

'Have no fear, stoned fish,'

said the Adams in the hat.

'These fees are good Things.'

and he raised the tolls.

'They are lame. Oh, so lame!

They have come here to make you pay.

They will raise tax revenue

on this wet, wet, wet day.'

'Now here is a game we like,'

said the Adams.

'They like to jaywalk,'

said the Adams in the hat.

'No! Not in the city!'

said the fish rolling his dispensary pot.

'No one should jaywalk

in a city! They should not.

Oh, the things they will bump!

Oh, the things they will hit!

Oh, I do not like it!

Not one little bit!

They Sally and I

saw them run across the boulevards.

We saw those jaywalkers

bump their butts on cars!

Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump!

Down the street and boulevard.

Those legalized jaywalkers!

They ran up! They ran down!

On the side of one car

we saw new dents!

The car hitting speed bumps

that are between speed traps.

Then we saw one jaywalker jump

in front of a car in it's tracks!

Then those jaywalkers ran about

with big bumps, jumps and kicks

and walking while texting and big thumps

and all kinds of recidivist tricks.

And I said,

'I do NOT like the way that they play!

If voters could see this,

oh, what would they say!'

Then our fish said, 'Look! Look!'

And our fish shook in withdrawal.

'Elections are on their way!

Do you hear?

Oh, what will voters do?

What will they say?

Will they not like it

to find corruption in this way!'

'So DO something! Fast!' said the fish.

'Do you hear!

I saw the voters!

The elections are near!

So, as fast as you can,

vote for something good!

You will have to get rid of

Otto trash bins and congestion tolls too'

So, as fast as I could,

I went after my ballot.

And I said, 'with my ballot

I can get them out I bet.

I bet, with my ballot,

I can get rid of the Adams yet!'

Then, I let down my ballot.

It came down with a PLOP!

And I had got rid of them! At last!

Those ridiculous taxes had to stop.

Then I said to the Adams,

'Now you do as I say.

You pack up your pardon

and you go far away!'

'Oh dear!' said the Adams.

'You did not like our scam ...

oh dear.

What a shame!

What a shame!

What a shame!

Then he folded up his pardon

in the Otto bin with the latch.

And the Adams went away

with an election funding match.

'That is good,' said the fish.

'He has gone away. Yes.

But the election will come.

And we will find the Cuomo mess!

And his harassment scandal was so big

and so deep and so tall,

we could not ignore it.

There is no way at all!'

And THEN!

Who was back in the city?

Why, the Adams!

'Have no fear of Cuomo,'

said the Adams in the hat.

'I can stand for re-election

and so ...

I will show you another

corrupt trick that I know!'

Then we saw him stand for re-election.

He really took the cake,

with his corruption, the pardon,

and the flight upgrades, and the hotel stays,

and the congestion tolls, and the fines,

and the speed cameras, red light cameras,

and the legalized pot, jaywalking.

We should put him away.

Then he said, 'That is that.'

And then he was gone

after we kicked out his ass.

Then sanity came in

we decided, we two,

'Congestion pricing is no fun.

Neither is paying for trash pickup too!'

And Sally and I did not know

who to vote for.

Should we look for

Another corrupt Mayor some more?

Should we vote at all?

Now, what SHOULD we do?

Well ...

What would YOU do

If you wanted sanity TOO?