The tolls were too high.
We were too broke to pay.
So we sat in the outer boro
all that cold, cold, wet day.
I sat there with Sally.
We sat there paying taxes, we two.
And I said, "how I wish
we had money to pay tolls too!"
Too many traffic cameras to go out
And too low a speed limit to enthrall.
So we sat in the outer boro
we did nothing at all.
So all we could do was to
pay taxes!
Pay tolls!
Pay fines!
Pay the City Council trolls!
And we did not like it.
Not one little bit.
And then something went BUMP!
How that bump made us jump!
We looked!
Then we saw him step into City Hall!
We looked!
And we saw him!
The Adams in the hat!
And he said to us,
'Why do you sit there like that?'
'I know you have a job
and in your pocket some money.
but we can have
a garbage bin plan that is funny!'
'I know some good taxes we could pay,'
said the Adams.
'I know some new tolls,'
said the Adams in the hat.
'A lot of new fines.
I will penalize you
your pocket will not mind at all if I do.'
Then Sally and I
did not know what to say.
Sanity in city government was out
for the day,
But our fish said, 'No! No!
Make the Adams go away!
Tell the Adams in the hat
you do NOT want to pay.
He should not tax you.
He should not be about.
He should not be allowed
to say when you can put the trash out!'
'Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!' said the Adams
'My tolls are not bad,'
said the Adams in the hat.
'Why, we can have
lots of good fines, if you wish
with a game that I call
up-up-up with the Turkish!'
'No bribes!' said the fish.
'This is no fun at all!
No bribes!' said the fish.
'I do NOT wish to fly Turkish Airlines at all!'
'Have no fear!' said the Adams.
'I will not rip you off the wall.
I will only penalize you up high
as I tax you in the fall.
With a speed camera in one hand!
And a congestion toll on my hat!
But that is not ALL I can do!
said the Adams ...
'Look at me!
Look at me now!' said the Adams.
'With an official Otto trash can
on the top of my hat!
I can write TWO tickets
I can fine you for an open lid!
Or a little loose trash bag!
Or not composting in the little brown bin!
And look!
I can hop up and down at Mar a Lago!
But that is not all!
oh, no,
That is not all ...
'Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to charge fines
but you have to know how.
I can pocket the bribes
and the airline tickets and hotel stay too!
I can hold up this graft!
All your money I will take!
I can fine your old trash can
and the loose trash bag!
And look! with my congestion pricing
I can charge you a toll!
I can add a surcharge to the fine
as I raise your property tax on a roll!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
That is not all ...'
That is what the Adams said ...
then he fell on his bald head!
He came down with a bump
from up there in Turkiye
and Sally and I,
we saw the INDICTMENT fall!
And our fish came down, too.
He fell into legalized pot!
He said, 'Do I like this?
Oh, no! I do not.
This is not a good game,'
said our fish as he paid
no, I do not like tolls,
not one little bit!'
'Now look what you did!'
said the fish to Adams.
'Now look at this city!
Look at this! Look at that!
You fined us for our trash bag,
made us recycle old cake.
You taxed up our house
and you went on the take.
You SHOULD NOT be here
when our city's sanity is out.
you get out of this city!'
said the fish smoking legalized pot.
'But I like to be corrupt.
Oh, I like it a lot!'
said the Adams in the hat
to the fish hitting the pot.
'I will NOT go away.
I do NOT wish to go!
And so,' said the Adams in the hat.
'so
so
so ...
I will show you
another revenue stream that I know!'
And then he ran out.
And, then, with a corrupt grin,
the Adams in the hat
came back in with Otto's trash bin.
A big black plastic bin.
It was shut with a latch.
'Now look at this trick,'
said the Adams.
'Take a look at this new scam!'
Then he got up on a sanitation truck
with a tip of the trash bin.
'I call this game weigh-the-trash-bin,'
said the Adams.
'In your bin are two things
to charge you for now.
You will like these two things,'
said the Adams with a bow.
'I will open the latch.
You will see something new.
Two things to defraud you
Thing One and Thing Two.
These Things will not bite you.
They want to just rip you off.'
Then, out of the bin
came an RFID and a trash bill!
And they ran up so fast.
They said, 'How can we charge you?
Would you like to pay for the bin
and for your trash pickup by weight too?'
And Sally and I
did not know what to do.
So we had to pay
for both Thing one and Thing Two.
We paid for the bin as well the trash.
But our fish said, 'No! No!
This Things should not be
in this City! Make them go!
They should not be here
when the City's sanity is gone!
Put them out! Put them out!
said the fish high on legalized pot.
'Have no fear, stoned fish,'
said the Adams in the hat.
'These fees are good Things.'
and he raised the tolls.
'They are lame. Oh, so lame!
They have come here to make you pay.
They will raise tax revenue
on this wet, wet, wet day.'
'Now here is a game we like,'
said the Adams.
'They like to jaywalk,'
said the Adams in the hat.
'No! Not in the city!'
said the fish rolling his dispensary pot.
'No one should jaywalk
in a city! They should not.
Oh, the things they will bump!
Oh, the things they will hit!
Oh, I do not like it!
Not one little bit!
They Sally and I
saw them run across the boulevards.
We saw those jaywalkers
bump their butts on cars!
Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump!
Down the street and boulevard.
Those legalized jaywalkers!
They ran up! They ran down!
On the side of one car
we saw new dents!
The car hitting speed bumps
that are between speed traps.
Then we saw one jaywalker jump
in front of a car in it's tracks!
Then those jaywalkers ran about
with big bumps, jumps and kicks
and walking while texting and big thumps
and all kinds of recidivist tricks.
And I said,
'I do NOT like the way that they play!
If voters could see this,
oh, what would they say!'
Then our fish said, 'Look! Look!'
And our fish shook in withdrawal.
'Elections are on their way!
Do you hear?
Oh, what will voters do?
What will they say?
Will they not like it
to find corruption in this way!'
'So DO something! Fast!' said the fish.
'Do you hear!
I saw the voters!
The elections are near!
So, as fast as you can,
vote for something good!
You will have to get rid of
Otto trash bins and congestion tolls too'
So, as fast as I could,
I went after my ballot.
And I said, 'with my ballot
I can get them out I bet.
I bet, with my ballot,
I can get rid of the Adams yet!'
Then, I let down my ballot.
It came down with a PLOP!
And I had got rid of them! At last!
Those ridiculous taxes had to stop.
Then I said to the Adams,
'Now you do as I say.
You pack up your pardon
and you go far away!'
'Oh dear!' said the Adams.
'You did not like our scam ...
oh dear.
What a shame!
What a shame!
What a shame!
Then he folded up his pardon
in the Otto bin with the latch.
And the Adams went away
with an election funding match.
'That is good,' said the fish.
'He has gone away. Yes.
But the election will come.
And we will find the Cuomo mess!
And his harassment scandal was so big
and so deep and so tall,
we could not ignore it.
There is no way at all!'
And THEN!
Who was back in the city?
Why, the Adams!
'Have no fear of Cuomo,'
said the Adams in the hat.
'I can stand for re-election
and so ...
I will show you another
corrupt trick that I know!'
Then we saw him stand for re-election.
He really took the cake,
with his corruption, the pardon,
and the flight upgrades, and the hotel stays,
and the congestion tolls, and the fines,
and the speed cameras, red light cameras,
and the legalized pot, jaywalking.
We should put him away.
Then he said, 'That is that.'
And then he was gone
after we kicked out his ass.
Then sanity came in
we decided, we two,
'Congestion pricing is no fun.
Neither is paying for trash pickup too!'
And Sally and I did not know
who to vote for.
Should we look for
Another corrupt Mayor some more?
Should we vote at all?
Now, what SHOULD we do?
Well ...
What would YOU do
If you wanted sanity TOO?
